The inspiration behind writing How to Forgive Someone and Move On was because of listening to Tim McGraw’s song “Humble and Kind.” One line says not to hold a grudge because “bitterness keeps you from flying.”
How to Forgive and Move On
The song inspires us to live a good life, but the line on forgiveness in the song just stopped me in my tracks. Learning how to forgive someone who hurt you intentionally is a lesson we should all know.
Forgiveness is one of the most challenging things we can learn in our lifetime, but when you realize you allow someone else to continue to hurt you long after the darkness has passed, it means they have control over your future.
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How to forgive someone and let go is hard. Really hard.
I wish the world were filled with only kind and loving people, but as we all know, that’s not the case.
I’m not an authority on forgiveness. I have had difficulty forgiving some people who have crossed my path.
Listening to that song shifted things a bit for me because I realized that it’s so important in life to offer the world your finest self. Your best self isn’t offered when you’re spending your life reviewing the bad things that have happened along the journey.
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you approve of their character or that what they did is acceptable. It just means you love yourself enough to move forward and let go of what no longer serves you.
You owe that to yourself and those that you encounter in your life.
Forgiveness also doesn’t mean you’re obligated to have the person in your life anymore.
Some people can pray and offer forgiveness, and the weight immediately lifts off their shoulders.
Others forgive a little bit at a time until the negative thoughts of the individual are finally released, and they can move on.
Unfortunately, most of us continue to hold on to anger and repeatedly replay the movie of what happened in our heads. Not forgiving does so much damage that you are still determining how to fix it.
“By far the strongest poison to the human spirit is the inability to forgive oneself or another person. Forgiveness is no long an option but a necessity for healing.”
Caroline Myss
This article applies to everyone that wants to move on with their life
- How to forgive yourself
- How to forgive someone who cheated
- How to forgive your parents
- How to forgive someone who keeps hurting you
- How to forgive someone who isn’t sorry
- How to forgive yourself
It’s the same formula for whoever the person is that needs to be forgiven.
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1. How to Forgive and Let Go
You know, for your well-being, you should forgive people. You’ve tried before, but it was just too hard.
Even when you know by not forgiving, you only do continuous damage to yourself.
When you finally realize that you’re part of a bigger picture and that by not forgiving, you’re not allowing yourself to be an instrument for creating more extraordinary things. This awareness might be enough to shift your perspective.
This outlook changes your focus from the person who hurt you to the unrealized gifts you have to offer the world.
The world needs the light you only have to offer; no one is worth dimming it.
After encountering someone in my life who caused me a lot of pain, I turned my focus to bringing projects languishing in my file cabinets to life.
I’ll bring positive things out into the universe by tackling these projects.
Whenever I think of the person, I immediately start working on a task that will help me complete a project.
2. Hold a Ceremony
Write a letter to the person in question detailing your version of what happened. Detail how their actions caused you hurt.
Once you spill every ounce of your thoughts of this person on paper, build a bonfire and burn those words. Now, you will let the past go up in smoke and find out who you are without those anchors.
It might take you more than one try to release the pain.
3. Focus on the Lesson
Sometimes, people come into your life to teach you something about yourself.
We are too close at times to understand the purpose of the interaction, but if you can distance yourself enough to view the problem without emotion, you might learn a valuable lesson.
You hear of victims who created a support system to help other victims of the same situation. What was one thing you learned from the experience, and how can you help others who encounter the same thing?
Is there a new path this experience took you on, and how has that improved your life?
Maybe what you gained was the strength to get you through other hard times.
4. Refuse the “Gift”
Someone I once knew who was incredibly wise told me that every day, you have the choice of accepting someone else’s present.
He said the gift is usually cheerfully wrapped in the package with a colorful bow, but inside the present is hate, anger, insecurities, emotional immaturity, and fear.
These “gifts” come in the form of gossip, personal jabs, racism, and hurtful acts.
People are suffering and trying to share their burdens with you. Participating in these acts will harm others and yourself.
This wise sage told me you always have a choice in life whether or not you want to accept the box.
If you decide to take the gift, you will carry the burden along with the person who gave it to you.
It’s time to drop those perfectly wrapped presents into the trash, forgive the person who gave them to you, and realize you had the power to refuse them all along.
How do you let go of the past? You let go of it by knowing that you have a choice to carry someone else’s burden into the future.
5. Prayer
This idea is a bit hard.
The next time the thought of the person that betrayed you enters your mind, do something different. Instead of reliving the harm, bless them and send them on their way.
Realize that you are dealing with a hurt individual. They have to live with themselves every day.
Once you feel betrayed or hurt at a deep level, you don’t want anyone to experience what you went through.
In your mind, thank them for coming and letting them know you no longer need their visits.
Bless them and refocus your energy. Do this until it becomes a habit.
Never underestimate the power of prayer. We could all use a little help getting us out of our own way. Praying for guidance might be just what you need.
If you’ve tried everything and still haven’t achieved the desired results, you might also want to consider seeking professional guidance.
Who would you be if the unpleasant memories of the past hadn’t happened?
Envisioning our best selves might be something every one of us needs to reflect on. It’s not too late.
I hope one of these ideas will help you find forgiveness and move forward with your life.
How to forgive someone who has hurt you emotionally will be worth the effort you put into releasing the toxic energy.
Do great things with your time on earth despite what has happened to you in your past. You were meant to fly, little eagle.
So fly. Then soar. The world is waiting.
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Colleen Ricica
Monday 5th of February 2018
I am grateful I came across this article. I have depression and have been struggling with forgiving my family, my parents and siblings for continuous hurt and rejection by them over the past 3 years. I have been counseled by professionals and my husband about the need to forgive them so I an move on with my life. I’ve been “stuck” in this pit of depression since the first incident happened. In reference to the paragraph stating “Forgiving means you love yourself enough to go forward in life...., my question is,”What if you do not love your self?”. I do not love myself. From hearing toxic comments about myself from family and others, I have come to believe I am defective, wrong as a person. How can I learn to like and love myself so I can finally forgive and move on? Colleen
Kelly
Monday 5th of February 2018
Part 1:/Hello Colleen! For starters, let me send a virtual hug your way. Your a brave soul, because most never ask for help, so you need to pat yourself on the back for that. Let me see if I can explain this in a way you'll understand: There are two different tomato plants, each in a separate pot. One tomato plant gets the right amount of sunshine, water, nutrients added to the soil, and a child sings to it every day. It grows, surrounded by a sturdy tomato cage that support it's growth. The odds of this tomato plant producing a boat load of delicious tomatoes? High. Right? It has everything it needs to offer its gifts to the world. Now the second tomato plant isn't so lucky. It's pot has depleted nutrient soil, it's in the shade for most of the day - only getting sunshine for a limited time, doesn't have a tomato cage to support its growth and doesn't get enough water. What's the odds of it producing a boat load of tomatoes? Low. Right? Do you blame the second tomato plant? Is it an inferior tomato plant? Or, perhaps did it not have the right conditions in which to be its best? It's time to stop waiting for others to tend to you. You have to start making sure you get what you need to be your best. That means instead of waiting for a family member to recognize your worth, its time for you to see your worth and become your OWN BEST FRIEND. Make your self-talk encouraging instead of beating yourself up. When you take a tiny step forward (like writing in today) - CELEBRATE YOUR BRAVERY! Do you love reading books? Take the time every week for an hour for yourself. Fuel your body with healthy foods. Stop focusing today of what you think others think about you and realize that all that really matters is how YOU feel about you. Water your roots, nourish your soul, enjoy the sunshine and start building a support system so when you grow you have others applauding you instead of trying to tear you down.
Marina
Sunday 4th of February 2018
We are in 2018 and thankful for this message. Thank you so much for the 5 tips. I will save it cause its so important. Ceremonie and Bless them put me think. Thank you and many blessing.
Kelly
Sunday 4th of February 2018
Hello Marina! Yes, you have to forgive even though it's really hard so you can get on with your life! Wishing you an amazing 2018. Kelly
Janine
Sunday 31st of December 2017
This is great advice. Thank you for posting. Starting off 2018 forgiving people who have wronged us will help us make the year a happy one.
Shelley
Tuesday 27th of June 2017
Thank you so much for writing this! It comes to me at a time when I'm "cleaning house" before we move. I found some paperwork I'd saved of someone I was going to sue. (she owes me a lot of $$$ which seems to make it harder to let go) I no longer have the time or energy to find her. I thought I had forgiven her, but the emotions this box o' stuff brought up means I have not. I'll be alone this coming weekend, so time to grab my Apache Tear, release my emotions into the box, and BURN it! Then I'll move on to the second movie that replays in my head just often enough that I realize there hasn't been complete forgiveness....Sweet Blessings ~
Kelly
Tuesday 27th of June 2017
Hello Shelley! I'm glad you came to this realization! What a relief. You will get the money back 10 fold once you're able to let it go. Thank you for commenting - you made my day! Kelly
Erin
Sunday 1st of January 2017
I'm so glad I read this. I have a hard time forgetting which tears me up inside and it affects everything in my life. This helped me realize I need to forgive first. Then I can work on forgetting. Thank you :)
Kelly
Sunday 1st of January 2017
I love your comment Erin! You can start to heal when you realize what is holding you back. Thank you so much for commenting...I can see how many people are reading my blog posts, but I don't know if they gained anything or not from it. I'm so glad it helped you. Have a wonderful 2017 and don't forget to SOAR!